Friday, April 23, 2010

Watch out Twitter bishes!!

I was checking out my Twitter stream earlier not that I spend very much time on Twitter and saw someone I follow won't say who tweet she was watching Goodfellas with her husband and it reminded me…

I was meant to be a mafia wife. I was meant for that Italian greatness that IS organized crime! I should have either been BORN into a mafia family or ended up married to a Goodfella hitman. I am totally down with my husband whacking ppl for money the CASINO lifestyle. I will hide my husband’s gun for him after he brings home 3 inch high stacks of cash to hide in my Jimmy Choo shoe boxes.

I would want to be married to Ray Liota BEFORE he got into the drugs and went to prison. He got a little too sketchy after the run in the state penn. I don’t know if it was the lack of hired killings or the super sweaty man love that goes on in the penn, but it changed him. I don’t want him like that.

I would have totally been true to Robert DeNiro is Casino. Not like that no good whore Sharon Stone who was cheating on him behind his back with a meth head crack addict James Woods. I don’t know what she ever saw in him, but she did Robert wrong. I would have been loyal to him.

I would have stayed with Al Pacino is GodFather. I wouldn’t have gotten uppity and left him like Diane Keaton did. He slapped her, I know, but sometimes it’s hard being a mafia hitman and you take it out on your la familia. It can’t be helped. She should have been more understanding, and just pulled a Glock on him and reminded him what would happen to his nuts boys in his britches if he ever did it again.

It would be hard to walk away from that kind of cash protection. It would be awesome to know if someone cut me off in traffic or pulled out in front of me and slammed on their brakes that I could go home and tell my husband and it would be ‘taken care of’. That was my destiny. That’s who I AM in my soul.

In Other News:

Someone else I follow on Twitter see a pattern here? said she felt something stabbing her in her boob and reached in and found a $20 bill. I have always wished I had boobs big enough to use my bra as a purse. I saw a woman one day pull a WALLET out of her boob holder and pay for her clothes then she put the wallet back in and pulled out her car keys. It turned out she had a cell phone in there too because her boob started ringing “Bringing Sexy Back’ while she was talking to the lady who checked her out. That is something that was NOT meant to be for me. If I put my wallet or car keys or even my cell phone into my bra, it would look like I had an uneven chest or had something IN MY BRA. Ppsssshaw.

And an update on my weight loss plans. I have lost a big ZERO pounds thank you very much. I have been eating like crap and not exercising. I have an exercise bike my husband bought for me but I go back there and sit on it and watch DVR’d episodes of Solved but I don’t pedal the bike. But I think just being ON IT might burn more calories than if I were say, on the couch. Maybe? I don’t know how many calories watching SOLVED burns but it’s not enough to make me lose weight yet. I am going to stop eating bad. I usually don’t. This is very recently I have fallen off my health freak wagon. SO bare with me. I may lose a few ounces just blogging this. I need to go on a cleanse and shit my brains out poop away about 10 pounds. That’s all a cleanse does, right? Makes you get the Montezumas for a week and you lose a few pounds. It’s not permanent I’m sure, but it’s good for toilet paper sales.

Watch out folks. Keep on your Twitter toes or I might be blogging about you next!! I know I have some attention whores out there I had to get onto just today!! BAIBAI


  1. LOL.

    1. Never watched a mafia movie ever. Can you believe that? You make me want to add to my Netflix queue.

    2. Boobs. Dang, I could lose a PB&J sandwich in there, but you won't find me hunting around for stuff in the retail line.

    3. Weight. Sigh. I've been eating perfectly and exercising every damn day and haven't lost a pound. So honestly, you might as well keep up your good work because you are beating me and probably a lot happier.

  2. Love a good mafia movie! I'm trying the exercise thing, haven't lost a pound. I'm sure it's because I'm still eating! LOL

  3. I'd be an awesome mafia wife too! Haha but with my husband it would be the Mexican mafia...Ay Dios Mio!

    I've kept keys, ID, cash and my debit card in my bra. Honestly I don't even think my boobs are that big.

  4. I don't think I would be a good mafia wife. They do their hair every day and shower and wear clothes that aren't pajamas. I wish there was pajama mafia, then it would be on!

  5. I am dying here. I love me some mafia movies, in fact my eldest was named after a character in one (true story...totally wanted to hash tag that #truestory). I don't think I would be a good mafia wife, I keep thinking I'd be more like Carmella in The Sopranos. I love the honesty of this post, I laughed out loud and I do love me some Diane Keaton.

  6. I've been thinking about that cleanse thing myself. Maybe it would be a good kick off to losing a few. I don't know. I have to think I'd come off a cleanse starving and eat more than came out ending up worse than I started.

  7. Funny stuff! What a great way to get inspiration for a post - I might just have to try that out. BTW, I gotta agree with you about Ray Liotta in Goodfellowas (pre-prision, that is). Loved him as Henry Hill!

  8. According to the neighbours we have Mafia living on our street. The give away? An old man with a long Italian surname and a white tank top. Gotta be a gangster, right?

  9. If I get divorced I will come visit you so I can marry him, the mafia man.

  10. This is so comedy. (and you should change the linky to my blog.. HINT)

  11. lol..funny. mafia can be a douche sometimes but I'm just like you, I would stay with them cz im loyal like that! lol.

  12. Totally with ya girl. What is it with these high and mighty chicks that think they're too good to be in a mob family?! Michelle Pfeiffer had it made in Married to the Mob then she went and ratted to the FBI. Dumb hoe.

  13. you are tooooo funny. Blog frenz for life.